We are officially on a Donor Egg wait list. The psych evaluation was good, actually very helpful to us. She gave us some additional things to consider when comparing clinics as far as the screening process and the opportunity for any child/ren to be able to attempt to contact the donor way down the road. So, I'm happy we made a small step forward.
And, yet, I don't know if it's the holiday blues, or the anxiety I feel over thinking that we are now going to wait 6-8 months before we can do anything productive towards having a child, but for some reason, I am miserable. I'm short, mean and bitter. I unfairly chew out my DH and then get upset when he bites back. I feel like I don't have any friends left because I've been operating on such a different plane for so long now. It's probably the culmination of a lot of stress, the shittiest year ever, holiday blues, etc. But, I just want it over. I want it to be mid-January already.
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Unhappy Holidays
I am having a hard time getting through these holidays. I feel incredibly alone this year and with nothing to celebrate. I know that isn't true, and is incredibly unfair to my DH. Nevertheless, that's how it feels.
It doesn't help that a co-worker just had a baby, so there's a ton of baby talk all day long in the office. And, I'm experiencing the loss of my aun as a connection to my greater family for the first time.
Anyhow, on the DE front: We have our psych evaluation this week. I'm excited about that. We're now considering three clinics, but really more like 2. Our current one and IVF NJ. My RE is looking into them for me. He also said that RBA in Atlanta is good, reputable, etc. I know DH doesn't want to have to travel like that, so I guess they're sort of off the table for now. But, IVF NJ has better success rates, shorter wait time, and similar pricing to our current clinic. And, it's only a 2.5 to 3 hour drive one way. Not insignificant, but not insurmountable. So, we get on our clinic's wait list after we pass the psych eval. And, I've scheduled an appointment with IVF NJ for Feb. 20th. I guess we see how we feel as we get closer to that date. We're waiting that long so that we can be sure of what our insurance situation will be next year. My company's plan ends 1/31, and I'm pretty sure they're going to make some changes.
That's where we're at. I really hope we have a good conversation with the psychologist.
It doesn't help that a co-worker just had a baby, so there's a ton of baby talk all day long in the office. And, I'm experiencing the loss of my aun as a connection to my greater family for the first time.
Anyhow, on the DE front: We have our psych evaluation this week. I'm excited about that. We're now considering three clinics, but really more like 2. Our current one and IVF NJ. My RE is looking into them for me. He also said that RBA in Atlanta is good, reputable, etc. I know DH doesn't want to have to travel like that, so I guess they're sort of off the table for now. But, IVF NJ has better success rates, shorter wait time, and similar pricing to our current clinic. And, it's only a 2.5 to 3 hour drive one way. Not insignificant, but not insurmountable. So, we get on our clinic's wait list after we pass the psych eval. And, I've scheduled an appointment with IVF NJ for Feb. 20th. I guess we see how we feel as we get closer to that date. We're waiting that long so that we can be sure of what our insurance situation will be next year. My company's plan ends 1/31, and I'm pretty sure they're going to make some changes.
That's where we're at. I really hope we have a good conversation with the psychologist.
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