Retrieval done

Only got 6. I was pleasantly surprised that my own dr. did the procedure because it wasn't his normally scheduled day for procedures. I was pretty disappointed with the 6, but really, it's the fert. report that I care about. Tomorrow will be a long day of waiting.

Deflated and Defeated

Only 5 follies over 10 today. WTF?! That's worse than last time. The nurse tried to reassure me that the Ganirelix can really slow things down at first, but that there's still plenty of time. I don't feel hopeful, though. I feel utterly defeated, and full of dread and loathing for the rest of this mind-f*cking process.

WHAT?!

15 follies!!!!! Some were very small and probably stand no chance of catching up, but still, 15!!!!!!!!!!

I puked today. I'm 95% sure that I haven't thrown up since 1997. It was pathetic. I got a little motion-sickness riding around with a co-worker doing some field work. But, I got out of the car, walked around a bit and felt better. We finished our work, stopped for lunch and made our way back to the office - probably a 45 minute ride. We got within about 1.5 miles of the office and I had to make him pull over so that I could vomit all over somebody's lawn in the rain.  I think it was a combination of motion-sickness, leftover nerves from this morning and hormones.

Anyway, I started Ganirelix, and I keep up the 450/150 stims. I go back Sun. morning.

Day 5 of Stims

Tonight is the 5th night of stims. I'm feeling tired, very foggy-headed and bloated. I hope the bloat is from ovarian activity and not just because I'm getting fat.

I am nervous for tomorrow's ultrasound. I keep telling DH I want a baker's dozen of eggs because of the number of follicles counted at baseline. So, I suppose I've set myself up for disappointment. I hope not.

Funny Things I Do

Massive sleep deprivation (from stress-induced insomnia) and massive quantities of fertility drugs make me do funny things. This morning I went to the gym around 5:30 to ride on the spinner. I was 15 minutes into my ride before I realized that I had put my padded bike shorts on inside out! So, the huge diaper-like pad was very obviously on the outside! I finished my ride and before I got off the bike, I tied my long-sleeved shirt around my waist and beat a hasty retreat.

Tonight will be third night of stims. I have been very blase about the shots this time. And, I had yet another crying fit on DH last night. This morning, he seemed really upset. So, I finally made the decision to at least try to be neutral about this cycle. It may work. It may not. I'm not going to get hopeful. But, I also can't mourn it before it's even over.

So, that's it. I am Switzerland. Switzerland on drugs.

Ready, Set, Go

Starting stims tonight. I don't know how my AFC compares to last time, but there were 6 on the right and 7 on the left - sounds good to me. I'm doing 450 Follistim and 150 Menopur again. My personal goal is to get 8 mature eggs. Probably ambitious, but might as well shoot for the moon on the last try.

Now, if only I could figure out how to get some sleep. I am one stressed out insomniac these days.

Starting #2 - Holy Crap!

So, I stopped blogging because I didn't have anything new to say. I was still dealing with IVF failure, and expecting we wouldn't move ahead with our next and last cycle until October. Then my world got turned upside down. At my WTF appointment on 9/6, my RE said I could start again right away with a new protocol. Everything has happened so fast since then.

First, our RE felt like I responded reasonably well to the last protocol (Microdose Flare Lupron); however, only 5 out of the 9 eggs retrieved were mature. So, the goal with the next cycle is to try to get a better rate of mature eggs. Otherwise, our fertilization rate was good, the embryo quality was average, and there's no reason he can point to for our failure. He and I had it out a bit over transferring only one, and in the end, he agrees that we should transfer two, if we're lucky enough to have the option, next time.

So, I'm doing an EPP-antagonist protocol this time. I started wearing estrogen patches on Tues. And, of course, my period showed up in the wee hours of this morning. So, now I'm concerned that only getting in 2 estrogen patches will not be enough to have the desired affect. I'm also terribly worried that at tomorrow's baseline, they're going to find a cyst or something that prevents us from moving froward. I have no reasons to think this might happen, as I've never had cysts. I just pessimistically think that the last 2 weeks of trying to mentally prepare myself to go through this torture again so soon will all be for naught.

I also feel like I'm already mourning cycle #2's inevitable failure, which is a TERRIBLE way to go into this process. I don't know why I'm having such a difficult time finding hope. We have about the same chance going in as we did with the last one, according to my RE. I guess it's my way of trying to protect myself from devastation. But, really, I'm going to be devastated if it doesn't work because this is the end of the treatment road for us. So, why prolong the agony? I should just be hopeful, and enjoy my last few weeks of thinking it's possible. So, here's to a clean ultrasound and good bloodwork tomorrow, so we can get this show on the road.