BCPs and Anxiety Are a Dangerous Combination

I'm in my fourth week of BCPs, and am beyond HATING them. I am mean, enraged, breaking out and hardly even want to be looked at, never mind touched by my husband. These things SUCK.

I e-mailed my nurse last week to see if i really needed to stay on them since it seemed like it could still be a while before we get going. That's when I found out that another recipient matched with our donor, and that our donor was told to come in when she starts her period to get her testing done. So, we are almost on our way! Very exciting, scary, crazy, etc. Needless to say, I was told to stay on the dreaded BCPs. I also had to run around like a crazy woman getting a follow-up breast ultrasound done last week. As far as I know, that came back fine and I'm now done with my requirements.

So, I was looking at the sample schedule we got during our consult. I'm sort of guessing that we're headed for 3rd-4th week of June for retrieval and transfer. That's if we can get started in a couple of weeks. While I'm anxious for that, I can honestly say that at this point, I just want to get off these freaking pills. My entire household - husband, dog and myself - are miserable.

We're Back in the Game

So, what's been going on since January? A lot, and not much. We went for our consult with an out-of-state clinic for DE, and liked the program. So, we decided to do a shared DE cycle with them. Our first meeting was Feb. 20th. I had some follow up things to do, like get a mammogram and make sure my annual is up to date. But, we knew that it was going to take some weeks to get matched with a donor, especially for a shared cycle. So, I scheduled things, but was in no hurry. We also were thrilled to find out that my H's numbers improved significantly in the SA he did with them. I hope that the combination of him having not touched a cigarette in many months, exercising more, and taking COq10 and a daily vitamin is paying off.

So, we waited. All through March, we waited. Work was thankfully very busy for me, so that helped keep my mind off things. And, we decided to try another half-marathon at the end of April, so training for that has kept me sane. Nevertheless, the wait was really starting to get to me. My anxiety level was sky high.

Then, on April 2nd, we received a donor profile. And, we both liked her a lot. I was so extremely relieved that it wasn't hard for either of us to say yes to her. She has had two previously successful cycles with our clinic, both of which resulted in frozen embryos, even though the clinic has very strict freezing standards. After our nurse and donor coordinator answered a couple of questions, we accepted her the next day. Unfortunately, we still have to wait. They were supposed to send her profile to another couple looking to do a shared cycle this week, but we haven't heard anything else. So, it may take a little while to get the other recipient matched.

Regardless, I feel like we have taken a HUGE step forward. We have a donor. I have hope that this could work. I'm terrified of the hope I have, but am going to go with it for now. And, things are falling into place. I started BCPs this week. I hate them because last time my adjustment to them was rough. But, I'm also sort of glad to have started them so that I know I won't have my period for the half-marathon coming up. My mammogram is a week from today. I am scared that some roadblock will present itself because of that, though I have no reason to think that. And, my annual is scheduled for next month, but I don't lapse until June anyway.
So, I'm back, and hope to keep updating this blog more frequently now, if only to keep a log for myself.