Starting #2 - Holy Crap!

So, I stopped blogging because I didn't have anything new to say. I was still dealing with IVF failure, and expecting we wouldn't move ahead with our next and last cycle until October. Then my world got turned upside down. At my WTF appointment on 9/6, my RE said I could start again right away with a new protocol. Everything has happened so fast since then.

First, our RE felt like I responded reasonably well to the last protocol (Microdose Flare Lupron); however, only 5 out of the 9 eggs retrieved were mature. So, the goal with the next cycle is to try to get a better rate of mature eggs. Otherwise, our fertilization rate was good, the embryo quality was average, and there's no reason he can point to for our failure. He and I had it out a bit over transferring only one, and in the end, he agrees that we should transfer two, if we're lucky enough to have the option, next time.

So, I'm doing an EPP-antagonist protocol this time. I started wearing estrogen patches on Tues. And, of course, my period showed up in the wee hours of this morning. So, now I'm concerned that only getting in 2 estrogen patches will not be enough to have the desired affect. I'm also terribly worried that at tomorrow's baseline, they're going to find a cyst or something that prevents us from moving froward. I have no reasons to think this might happen, as I've never had cysts. I just pessimistically think that the last 2 weeks of trying to mentally prepare myself to go through this torture again so soon will all be for naught.

I also feel like I'm already mourning cycle #2's inevitable failure, which is a TERRIBLE way to go into this process. I don't know why I'm having such a difficult time finding hope. We have about the same chance going in as we did with the last one, according to my RE. I guess it's my way of trying to protect myself from devastation. But, really, I'm going to be devastated if it doesn't work because this is the end of the treatment road for us. So, why prolong the agony? I should just be hopeful, and enjoy my last few weeks of thinking it's possible. So, here's to a clean ultrasound and good bloodwork tomorrow, so we can get this show on the road.