Still Waiting

I never feel like these cycles are truly over until I get AF. With both of my OE IVFs, she came 5 days after stopping PIO. Not this time. My last PIO was Sun. and here it is Sat. - come on, already. I expect it's going to be physically uncomfortable from the nice lining I had. So, really, I'd rather just get it over with.

I came down with a cold this week, after DH did. Felt appropriate, and conveniently helped disguise some crying fits at work, as I was blowing my nose all day long anyway... The last several weeks of high anxiety have physically drained me.  I feel like once my period comes and goes, I can get back on track.

I found out yesterday that my RE told our shared recipient that she might have twins cooking based on her betas. That was a small stab to the heart. I also know that our shared recipient has been in my shoes before, with a c/p on her first DE IVF, so I really can't be jealous. DH thinks her success has nothing to do with us. In a way, I know he's right - that IVF always comes down to a crapshoot at the end. However, this does confirm that our donor had a reasonable cycle, and that there may still be issues with us. In the end, I am glad that it worked for her, and that our donor's cycle wasn't a total bust. I am just bitterly disappointed that it didn't work for us this time, too.

And, I'm saddened by bad news all around on the two boards I most frequent. A woman losing her baby at 40 weeks, early losses from DE IVF, and straight out BFNs from perfect cycles... I hate IF not just for me, but for all the deserving, hard-working, dedicated and strong women who struggle hard with it.