Another BFN this morning (10dp3dt). I sobbed my way through the PIO last night. It was a bleeder, which my DH has managed not to get before. The sight of blood upset him, making me cry even more because there's no f*ing point to even continuing these things now! Of course, I did it, and will do it again tonight, just to follow orders.
I feel numb, with occasional flashes of rage or utter devastation.
I put the picture of our embie away. I had been keeping it on my nightstand. When I saw it this morning, I wanted to puke. I feel like I failed our maybe-baby.
I can't understand what I've done so wrong to deserve all of this. I have always been a healthy person. I've been smart about how I've lived my life. Now, I feel like an out-of-control gambler - throwing our money, time and sanity away on this IF sh*t. Yet, I fear the kind of person I'd become if I never have a child, so I have to take these risks.
Anyway, I'm confident in declaring IVF #1 a bust.
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